The Marcus Diaries - prologue

Marcus is a great one to share an office with. Every Tuesday and Wednesday (the days he actually turned up at work), he would give me his leftover breakfast melon chunks. This continued for several months until two fateful days in a row when the melon tasted funny. He was not imagining it tasting funny. It tasted a bit like kippers.

After that, he took to buying sandwiches from Pret and eating them for breakfast. I think he liked the sandwiches more than the melon, as I never got a look in. It was an enjoyable time despite this, as we got to watch as he consumed a large lunch for breakfast, and a large lunch for lunch, whilst never becoming fat. Mrs Lemon and I could live our fantasy food lives vicariously through him as we diligently recorded our daily calories on MyFitnessPal (this particular phase lasted for about a week, although it is sometimes resurrected. With clauses, such as 'i ate that when I was drunk/tired/cross/out/bored/about to go swimming/ intending to go swimming so it doesn't count').

Marcus likes to be clean and he likes everything to be in its place, sometimes parallel to its closest object and preferably stored in the box it came in when it was purchased. He hates the underground but cannot tolerate the idea of not living by a tube station. He is very generous and will often bring in sweets and biscuits that he used to eat as a child for us to try. He grew up abroad so these things are quite novel to us. And often come in dayglow colours.

Marcus is visually very pleasing, selecting his outfits with great care. He has recently become a fan of the restorative powers of Dylon and this has greatly and literally brightened our days! The story of Marcus and the Dylon is a tale of challenges that we have all faced, overcome by Dylon and Marcus's unsuspecting landlord's washing machine. Drop by later for more!

M's desk, with pen in specialist mini one-pen-only pencil case placed at jaunty angle