'What is crotch fade?!' I hear you cry. 'What are the symptoms? Am I at risk? Is it something that comes with age, along with bald patches and saggy jowls and hairs that grow out of the top of your nose? Is there a treatment? Is it reversible? Has the Daily Mail written about it at length? What is the incidence and prevalence and, god forbid, the mortality rate?'
Well. Crotch fade walks amongst us. It is on the tube, in parks, in cinemas and in offices. To our great despair, it was in my old office. But never fear. It looks to be curable. Marcus is, as we speak, engaged in a pilot study to eradicate it from my old workplace.
The presentation of crotch fade is as follows. (Wo)man walks into your office, wearing a pair of much-loved, well-used, dark-coloured and doubtless very comfortable trousers. Your chair is (in the most part unfortunately) at a height which means your eyes fall naturally at belt-height when somebody walks up to your desk. (Wo)man approches. Your eyes are magnetically drawn to their trousers by something that is just not quite right. And there it is! The crotch fade. Faded over the top of the zip, from years and years of being rubbed and worn in washing machines and other scenarios. Faded in a vertical line from belt to crotch.
Sometimes, crotch fade can be identified by the wearer themselves and the offending trousers relegated to the textiles bin / 'painting clothes' pile (for the day that you envisage might come where you no longer live with crusty yellowed landlordly woodchip and actually paint a wall yourself). Sometimes, the wearer is oblivious. But sometimes, although identified by the wearer, the trousers are loved SO MUCH that (s)he continues to wear them despite the fade, hopeful that it is not as bad in real life as it appears in front of the mirror. This is what happened to Marcus. Eventually, not being able to hide the magnetic attraction of my eyes to his crotch for another day, I mentioned The Fade to him. He said how much he loved his trousers. I suggested (not entirely seriously it has to be said), fabric dye. Marcus was VERY interested in the idea, which in his eyes offered sanctuary and rehabilitation for old but much loved clothing. And so, the Dylon Chronicles began.
Dylon has now become something of a passion in the office. Marcus has been known to take in clothes from his colleagues, launder, dye and press them, and return them in a rejuvinated state. This service is very popular and he is something of a dye pimp amongst the three or so people who are in the inner circle of Dylon knowledge.
I am sure you are dyeing to see some pictures. When I get home, I will post some. This you will want to see!!
Have a good Thursday, all.
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